my sometimes-skeptical social commentary

I went to a house concert last night. Not house music, but a concert in a house.

My friends Rand and Adam‘s band Ookla the Mok gave a going-away concert to their friend Kelly, who has been helping them by being their merchandise vendor at their shows for many years. (Kelly’s husband’s job is taking them out-of-state.)

The original plan was to have the show at a coffee house, but when the coffee house closed, two friends of Rand’s invited them to have the show in their house. It was a nice gesture, and the space turned out to be just right for the sentiment of seeing off a good friend.

Many years ago, I was in their band, for a little while. The two of them had been writing songs together for a few months when they decided they wanted to create a more full rock sound than their acoustic guitars gave them. I had some drumming experience in high school, so they hooked me up with a drum set and we gave it a go. My skills weren’t great, but we worked on them and we had a lot of practice sessions in our apartment. We had a few “gigs” playing open mic nights at local bars, such as Broadway Joe’s on Main Street. The early and mid-nineties were kind of fun.

But for a couple of reasons, I didn’t continue on as their drummer. For a while our friend Luis filled that position, but he moved away, and they have had a couple other drummers since then. I don’t even know if the band is without a drummer right now, or if their drummer just couldn’t make it last night. They’ve also had a few bassists, and their current bassist Wolfram is great. (While we were waiting for a broken guitar string to be changed last night, Wolfram played some jazzy riffs to keep the crowd involved.)

In some ways, it would have been fun if I had stuck with the drums and stayed on with the band. They’ve made several CD’s and have been all over the country to play for science fiction, comic, and “filk” conventions. And spending time with Rand and Adam would have been part of the package–as it is now, months go by between visits with Adam.

But in other ways I have a lot to do that would wouldn’t get done if I were rehearsing, recording, and performing in a band. I spend time with my kids, I operate a small business in the summer, and in the intervening years between the early band days and today, I’ve completed a degree and am working on a second one (to give credit to Rand, he has completed a couple degrees AND done the band thing).

I’ve been thinking lately about connections with other people. Right now, and for the past 8 years, my focus has been on my family, so my friendships have become light. Last night, I saw a couple friends who I rarely see (and usually only see when there’s a Rand-Adam event). What’s to prevent us from getting together between Ookla shows?

We moved into a new house almost four years ago, and from the very first summer I have been saying I want to have a cookout for a bunch of friends, but it has never happened. Summers are busy. And a couple years ago, I had an idea to get a karaoke program for my computer and host karaoke night at my house on a regular basis. I can’t explain why I’ve never made concrete plans for social time. The explanation is long and complicated, and I have a feeling it is knit together with excuses that only sound like reasons.

But still, there are people who are important to me that I don’t see often. I want to see them, but I never invite them to my house. I have to do something about that.

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